Equine Advertising Translation Guide
This “guide” is meant for fun and laughs, but there may be a kernel of truth in some of these definitions, so watch out for them! Have some of your own? Send them to us along with your name, city and state and we’ll publish them here.
Term or Phrase
Rides with just a halter
Suitable for lady or child
Barrel horse, free runner
Barrel horse, push style
Strings to 16.2
All offers considered
Always in the ribbons
Anyone can ride
Can be registered
Can be stubborn at times
Clips, hauls and loads
Easy to catch
Finances force sale
Fun trail mount
Good ground manners
Great for the farrier
Has been shown
Health forces sale
Imprinted at birth
Kid safe/Kid broke
Lack of time forces sale
Lots of potential
Loves to cuddle
Loves to work
Needs a bit of finishing work
Needs advanced rider
Needs a strong rider
Needs quiet rider
Never stops at fences
No time for him
Price available upon request
Priced to sell
Quarter Horse type
Ready to start
Recent vet check/X-rays
Serious inquiries only
Started on cows
Started over fences
Started under saddle
To good home only
To loving home only
To show home only
Vet checks welcome
Western pleasure prospect
Will mature to 15.2H
Will mature to 16HH
Be prepared to buy lots of groceries! by: Sherrie Nichols
He'll head-slap your brains out if you try to bridle him
Weighs 950 pounds
If divorce isn't an option, here's Plan "B"
Hard to keep in the arena
Never under 20 seconds
I have no idea where to measure, but I do have a string
Do NOT turn a child loose on this one!
14.3HH — Just a bit too big to qualify for a pony card
15.2HH (with shoes on)
I’ll be in traction for the next six months, and my spouse has just left home and taken the kids
(1) As long as there are no more than six horses in the class. (2) The shows we attended gave away complimentary rosettes to everyone who entered.
(1) Likes to run around the pasture, but hasn’t done a thing. (2) Runaway. See also “Bold” and “Good mover.”
No one will miss you with this horse’s stunning bad habits
Runs in circles — fast
Without a mane and tail, this horse could easily be mistaken for a cow
Whoa, dammit, whoa!!
Can’t canter within a two-mile straightaway
Runaway. See also “Good mover” and “Athletic.”
(1) Won’t move, under any circumstances, without a crop AND spurs. (2) Lame on all four legs, deaf and blind.
Spectators gasp when they see this horse buck, rear, etc.
Not sound or broke, but might be fertile
Owner may remember which stud got loose
Clippity clippity is the sound his hooves make as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him
When drugged to the eyeballs and lunged for six hours immediately beforehand
Too bad the horse is afraid of cows
Cuts and runs when startled
Lame in all four legs. See also “Quiet.”
Exceedingly big, coarse and hairy. See also “Warmblood type.”
He’s a fire-breathing dragon over fences
For stallions, will mount anything that stands still long enough. For mares, always seems to be in heat.
Ancient and dead lame
Keeps going and going and going, just the like the Energizer bunny
Big and fast with no brakes
Has never left the stable
Horse drove owner to the poor house
Your life will flash before your eyes when you ride him
Jumps out of his paddock and jumps on the longe line, but does not jump under saddle
You’ll never be bored, but you might have to walk back to the barn on your own two feet
Make that “gated” — has run through the arena gate, the pasture gate…
But don’t try to ride him
Thank goodness, because it’s the only thing she’s good at!
(1) Runaway. See also “Athletic” and “Bold.” (2) Only stumbles occasionally these days
Owner was reaching trying to find good qualities to advertise
Has big-time issues (see also “lots of potential”)
Anything from “has had a rider on — once — and bucked him off” to “only jumping 2'6"”
Hyper and needs a tiedown
Not broke to ride. Probably not halter broken, either.
And spoiled rotten! See also “Home bred.”
But didn’t win anything
Horse made current owner crazy
Has never left home
(1) Won’t go slow enough for Western Pleasure. (2) Should be on the track.
See “hand raised”
Horse needs professional help
Jumps out of his pasture regularly
As long as your kid has a Velcro butt!
Owner can’t afford to spend any more time in the hospital
We couldn’t afford to build any more stalls and fences for this equine chainsaw
Hasn’t done a thing
Especially for breakfast!
Will knock you over when she tries to use you as a scratching post
Especially when they are feeding him and not asking him to do anything that resembles work
If he doesn’t get out every day, he’ll tear down the barn. Get your longe line ready…
Price negotiable. See also “Any offers considered.”
See “green” and “great project”
Such as a professional bronc rider
Preferably with nerves of steel
Will run off at the slightest provocation
Including the arena fence, the paddock fence, the neighbors’ fences…
Longes, but we don’t have enough insurance to ride him
Horse is lucky to be fed
(1) No attributes, either. (2) Especially when he wears his muzzle.
Owner bought a rope halter and some videos
Small and hairy
If you have to ask, you can’t afford him
Owner can’t get rid of this horse fast enough
See “price available upon request”
Owner shelled out big bucks, regardless of how little the horse knows now
Will attack anyone who comes within a three-stall radius
As long you care more about quantity than quality
Lame in both front legs. See also “Dead Quiet.”
Will kick a new door in his stall to get outside
Riding age, but hasn’t done a thing
Some other poor buyer paid big bucks to find out what is wrong with this horse
(1) Skids to a stop right before running into the fence. (2) Spins and runs when startled.
Family won’t come back home until he’s gone
Owner traded up
Been there, done that, annoyed at having to do it again and again
Even with very expensive care, almost always lame
But has never been to a show
(1) Horse and rider got in and out of the arena in one piece (mostly). (2) Won a reserve championship five years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to a hurricane.
Cross-breed, probably with draft blood
Rank stud colt that owner doesn’t want to spend the money to geld
Turned out in pasture with cows
Walked over ground poles. Tripped.
Has had saddle on (but no rider)
14.2HH now, but hope springs eternal
Not really for sale unless you will pay twice what he is worth and sign a 10-page legal document allowing current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night
(1) Ring sour (2) Current owner is a good enough rider to keep this horse between him and ground for most rides. You may not be so skilled/lucky.
Please help us figure out what the heck is wrong with this horse
Big, coarse and hairy. See also “Draft type.”
(1) Too bad he didn’t inherit any of his forebears’ good traits. (2) Sire and dam are also brother and sister.
Hasn’t stepped on, run over, bitten or kicked anyone in almost a week
Too slow for gymkhana
14HH now at the age of four
Currently 14 hands, dam is 14.2HH, sire is 14.3HH